What to do >.<

jacqueline | March 15, 2024, 4:28 p.m. The Ramble

It's been many months since I've written anything. It's also been many months that I've been climbing out of a mental hole of darkness. I realize now what my writing journey has been about. Who knows how many days, weeks, or even months, let's hope maybe years we have left. After losing friends even younger than me, I realize nothing is promised to anyone at any age. We don't need to count on the world ending, our life is numbered as it is. 

I am not saying that I am all doom and gloom, but I wonder what staple I'd like to leave behind. I know one thing for sure and it is that I hope to inspire and change the world for the better. If I get to do it in a few words or let's say more than a few since I've already written a good amount since I've started this journey. One thing I know for sure. Being human is a test of our ability to break through the veil that's been placed over our eyes and our soul. I've never been one to paint a false picture and I never will be. I'll sit there in the truth with you. Even when it gets uncomfortable and maybe sometimes too hot or too cold. I'll be there making jokes about how, can you imagine, we might just be the hand beating ourselves? 

We are in a spiritual war right now, whether you want to hear that or not. If it's too woo-woo for you, I understand. It was for me too for a very long time. I swam in the artificial world as you did and lived amongst those who agreed with my way of seeing the world. The repercussions of that are the lack of growth and evolution to my reality. I stayed stagnant in a pool of similarities to be among my peers. Even if those similarities and beliefs were wrong, I felt safe being seen. 

We all want to be accepted. Also, from the looks of it, I think people want to blend in more than stand out. Standing out means being judged and separated from the group that all agree on the same image. 

The truth you stand on might contradict someone's comfort zone. Imagine the depth we could create by confidently looking doubt and judgment in the face and slapping it right out of existence. Being our true selves. Being a source of love and light. The thing I'm seeing though is that no one knows what to stand by or who they are. No one can face the real truth of this existence, and no one is reflecting on them what it means to be accepted in the lost and confused experience. We are in a constant state of approval through social media and likes. But does anyone feel seen? I like being the poster child of discomfort so I can live freely in my truth. If that means people don't like me because I care so much about my individuality and how much being me could help others be themselves, then alone I will be, I guess. I'm more comfortable being myself than suffering in someone else's shadow. I wish us all to be our colors and light reflecting the rainbow that we are truly made of. 

I know I'll drown myself in sorrows sometimes and let the world's disdain destroy me for a moment. But I've been through the mucky waters time and time again to realize I am much more at peace being myself. So here I am. Writing my heart out and letting you know, that I am fighting with my entire existence, it's extremely difficult and some days I've thought about just driving off the highway into that black abbess of the trees. Not because I want to give up or take my own life, but because I'm more and more convinced that death means nothing after we die and all we have is this illusion we are all destroying. This beautiful kaleidoscope of colors emitting from our eyes. 

We get to play here! No one has to be more important or powerful than anyone else. Just have compassion for one's journey and help them through it. They are just beings also thrown into this with no actual road map but the one inside our hearts and our guts. 

The fascinating thing is that our body IS a machine. We are taking away all of our electromagnetic abilities by making other machines do what our bodies CAN DO! Fuck. Man. Pay attention. Someone is taking away what we are so that we are numbed into submission. It sucks and people die over this spiritual war over and over again. Who's to say some of you aren't just a reincarnation of that same radical killed and silenced? 

So sad. But kind of inspiring right? I mean think about it. We could DO ANYTHING with our minds and our spirits. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed so we just filter through into a baby again. Maybe one of you guys is Gandi out here trying to make peace but being silenced and sent back to pass GO again. 

Okay...the caps are coming out. I think I need to calm down and be back later with more. 

But hey, as always, 

Thank you for reading <3