The struggle

jacqueline | Dec. 31, 2022, 6 p.m. Might be a poem

I'm walking through muddy waters; the base is thick and heavy. 

Every step I take a suction from the last step trying to pull me back. 

I am walking through the muddy waters; full of hands throwing nets to tie me down. 

I carry with me all my problems and ahead of me are my goals. 

In a rush looking back waving to make me hurry. 

"You'll be late, you'll never finish, death is at your door." 

I look up with a heavy head, shoulders slumped, and heart weighted. 

Deep in the woods, the tree's covering the sky. 

The ground so soft it wants to invite me under, like quicksand I'll disappear.  

My mind starts to wonder in disillusion I disassociate.

I'm starting to sink, and my legs have stopped moving. 

An angel appears so beautiful and crystal-like snow sparkling with rainbow light.      

She looks at me giving up and says nothing. 

She just watches me drowning, the path feels long and never ending. 

I'm ok to call it quits here.

Suddenly,

It gets cold and the ground starts to harden. 

Fearful,

I pull my feet out before I'm frozen in one place. 

The muddy waters a slick path of ice now.

I collapse in exhaustion; I've been fighting for so long. 

Down this path of molasses, that's turned into ice. 

Suddenly I start sliding, at an alarming pace. 

The speed now terrifying but the light just up ahead. 

I let go of all my baggage as I can't hold on. 

Am I falling to my death? 

I can't stop the speed. 

Panic creeps in but I soon let it go, realizing that won't change my predicament. 

I take a deep breath and accept my fate. 

I've had a good run, I'm ok where I've landed and there's no way to go back. 

I shouldn't have been carrying so much, I should have let so much go. 

So many thoughts racing with each other to be thought before I collide into whatever will be the end of this ride. 

Looking back now, the ground has changed, I'm on a slide, the muck is gone, speeding faster towards whatever you'd call the end. 

I take flight. 

My shirt catches a drift and picks me up into the wind, what are the chances? 

Why now and right after I've accepted my death. 

Lifting off I look around. 

The view is beautiful, seeing the tops of trees and blue sky's that live outside the woods. 

There was my snow angel with her eyes so deep and endless. 

It starts to snow. 

The wind on my back starts to dissipate. 

I start to fall and fall fast, watching the ground beneath me approaching.

This has to be it, splat like a fly on a windshield, here I go. 

Goodbye everything, goodbye. 

It snowed heavy and wild. 

And when I landed, the ground caught me like a million pillows expecting my fall. 

I land so soft, my path is snowy now, I'm in shock, I was ready, it would have been ok. 

But not today, I guess. 

Looks like I can see my goals, and my path is playful and fluffy. 

Suddenly I don't feel so heavy anymore. 

I can take a few steps and slide a couple more. 

Within the fear of it all, I had let everything go, it's all back there, where I thought I almost lost my life. 

And with that a new lightness fills me, I feel fine, much better than before. 

It's cold, yeah.

But a least the quicksand is covered with snow.

I had my up's and my downs, and a little kiss with death. 

What does it all mean? I don't know. 

But somehow, I get to keep moving forward.  

What a trip. 

I hear my goals now a little closer. 

Slip and sliding, hard to catch, but a little closer.  

Who knew all that weight I carried wasn't necessary for the journey? 

Yet I carried it until life made me let it go. 

Thanks. 

Scary, but thanks.