She finally said goodbye

jacqueline | April 25, 2023, 4:43 a.m. Practicing Writing

Looking back at her life as she told them the stories, she felt it as a movie she once watched. It felt unreal even to her, to hear the words escaping her mouth, the memories vivid and alive. The sensation and excitement traveled through her as if she was back there. Her blood pressure would rise, and her heartbeat would join in the race. 

Eye's open wide glossed over escaped from the present swimming in every recognize face dizzied from the glances and the distant gaze would cloak her until someone snapped her back. A quick shout to her name, a question would bring her back. 

She'd shake it off and fix her posture from the fear stance it took. She'd adjust her jacket and fix her backpack, putting up her hair. 

"Anyways, never mind." She'd say and apologize for how intense it all felt. She didn't mean to. It just happened. 

As she would walk away from every conversation, she'd wonder why that was always a topic people turned to, the past, always the past. Walking into her small apartment, squeezing by the tension in her house, barley making it to her bedroom door before the tension stuck to her. She'd shake it off along with her cloths and anything that was weighing her down. Freed in her small space, she'd collapse on the bed. 

Watching the shadows from the shades shimmering over the boxes that surrounding her room. This chapter was about to be over, and the movie must go on. She won't be talking about the past anymore. Once she walks out of her small room for the last time, she'll say goodbye to that girl who suffered there, and she'll choose only to talk about the future from now on. 

She is not her past, and she didn't have to keep reliving it either. Every question would bring it back, the stress and anxiety crippled her in the fear that she was there again, but actually long graduated from the mess. She was better because of it. That's all she needs to remember now. The lesson was learned, and her world had to turn to ashes for her to become the flower buried deep within the wounds. 

There is no regret here, only gratitude and it was time to remind herself of that. She wouldn't be as strong, she needed all of the horror and the flames to help her melt away her past, build her courage, and succeed after the struggle. Which she did and will continue to do. Growing is not easy but it is beautiful. She knew if she stopped and let herself get stuck in the glossed over reflection, she'd be stuck there forever. 

The future is unknown, and she is so excited about it. To her, the unknown was much needed after all her current surroundings did was bring back the dust she already swept away. Finally, the courage she pulled out of the most hidden parts of her heart were found. She wasn't worried about not making out there, she was more worried about standing still in the mucky water, it was time to flow with the river and let herself be pulled away to her future adventures that waited for her up ahead. 

What a beautiful day to say goodbye.