Finally Looking Back Part 2

jacqueline | June 17, 2022, 10:12 p.m. The Ramble

I'm finally looking back, part 2. 

Hello, 

Thank you for reading. Today's piece is something I've effortlessly put off for many reasons, but I've finally found it within myself to write. 

 Story - Driven by hope 

It was the soft pitter patter of snow covering the car she slept in, bringing her back from sleeping warm under her many blankets and pillows. 

The car had a tear drop shape being a hatch back, it was at the perfect temperature holding the heat in the middle and cooling off at the ends. Her car was cozy, and she did a good job making it homey for her long journey. She had her water and snacks organized with her teas in a basket to the front. Nicely folded behind her pillow were her towels and whips, along with extra water. She really loved the freedom she had to experience the open road like this. 

Excited to finally get to go snowboarding in May at a mountain she had never been too and a place she had never seen. She sat up in her little heat bubble. She could hear the silence the snow made outside. It was dark around her, but that was only because heavy snow frosted over the windows. 

Reaching over to the front seat she grabs her phone to check the time. 7:00 AM. The mountain didn't open for another 2 hours so she had time to make it back to the coffee shop for some Wi-Fi and coffee.  Slipping on her boots and hat she crawls out her back door to see her surroundings. 

The parking lot she stayed in the night before was now completely covered in snow. Thick heavy snow. The ground felt soft and wet. She was at the base of the mountain she would soon be riding on. Grabbing a couple wipes and cleaning up her face and hands, she gets ready to get out of the parking lot and start her way to the coffee shop 30 minutes out. 

She starts her car and lets it warm up while she folds up her sheets and pillows in a made bed kind of way. Cleans the snow off her car and gets in. The ground felt different from when she originally parked her car the night before. She didn't pay too much attention to it, shifting into gear, she starts to drive out of the lot. 

Trying to turn around a mound of what she thought was plowed snow and attempting to drive over it, her car sinks suddenly. The two front tires now deep in the mound, she tried to turn her tires and reverse her way out, but then the back tires dig her deeper into the mountain in reverse. 

She is properly stuck now. She gets out and walks around her car. It's an all-wheel drive car, she should be able to get out. She gets back in and tries for a second time to only burry herself deeper. She doesn't want to waste time, so she hops out of the car to the trunk. She doesn't have a shovel, but she does have a long snow scrapper and her snowboard. Digging at the front and back tires for a while she sees how deep the mound is and that it's not snow at all, its massive piles of dirt and rock that were placed there overnight. 

She is trapped, and far away from any buildings to ask for help. She tries making calls to local gas stations, but no calls are going through. The heavy snow keeps falling around her as she thinks. Seeing cars driving by on the road she runs up and waives the first car down. It was a beautiful middle-aged woman, so sweet and concerned and eager to help. They both soon realize that her car can't pull her out and she isn't strong enough to push her. After a couple failed attempt to use the car to push, they both agree she needs to waive another car down, but the woman waits until someone else stops. 

It was a man with a large truck. 

"Thank goodness" She thinks and thanks the woman for her kindness and waiting with her. The woman drives off and the hero of the day pulls up to her with chains and an attitude like he's never done this before but both of them are about to figure it out.

And they do.

Finally, the man is able to pull her car out of the mound of rocks, dirt, and snow. Letting her know that this was not a parking lot but in fact a field where when it snows, they use the dirt to distribute on the roads. She was parking in a field covered in dirt that she mistook for a parking lot in the middle of the night. 

Thankful for the gentleman and her little time left for coffee and now a bathroom. She hugs him excitedly and he wishes her luck on her journeys. Off she goes to the coffee shop in hopes of running into the very sweet barista she met the other day. 

 The barista wasn't there that day, but she was able to pass on a message that visiting the city was the right move and she had so much fun. The new barista promised she'd pass on the message. 

After getting her coffee, she brushed her teeth and face, got changed into her ski cloths, and hopped back in her car thanking the barista for her time. It's been quite a start to the day but so far it feels like a big success. Excited, she makes it on her way as she watches how quickly the weather turns from summer like rain to heavy snow in minutes as she drives higher up the mountain, within 30 minutes she was driving up snow covered roads all the way to the top. 

Parking her car and getting ready with her gear she runs into her next obstacle; she doesn't have goggles. She frantically looks in her car for a good pair of glasses knowing that they won't cut it. The snow was even heavier than before. She knew she wouldn't last long with just sunglasses. Leaning out of her trunk she sees a man putting on his ski boots next to her car. 

It turns out he had a pair of children size goggles he had used in an emergency himself. Offering them to her she graciously takes them thanking him a million times. She is finally ready to ride the mountain she'd heard so much about. 

Buying her pass and making her way out she realizes there are no lifts going up, there are only lifts going down. It was the first time ever she had visited a ski resort where you ride down the mountain to get to the lift. Something she'd keep in mind for later. 

It was an amazing fluffy snow day. The snow kept coming, every tree run she'd do, by the time she would make it back, her tracks would already be covered. It was incredible, and no lines, just a lot of cool laid-back people there for some fresh runs too. 

She was having a blast. Chatting with everyone on the lifts, making friends left and right. The day got colder as the sun shifted places from the top of the sky to an angle now. She wanted to explore the rest of the open areas before the day was over. 

So, to the terrain park she went. Of course, this would be a very bad idea, but she had to take just one lap through one of her favorite parts about snowboarding, the rails and jumps. 

It had been snowing so much and it had gotten so cold at this point that the rails were very covered in snow, the conditions seemed colder up top by the park, she didn't think much of it as she straps in to try the first feature. 

She watches as a few people go before her; everyone seems to slip just a little bit on the first rail, but they held their ground well, she felt confident she would be able to do the same. 

She strands up and gets ready for a little front side 180' that she loves to do. That's when you go straight towards the rail and then kick your back foot behind you, so the front of your board is facing up the mountain while the back is sliding down. 

The goal was to keep her board flat as she hopped up, but the top of the rail was covered in slick ice, before she could brace herself, her board slides sideways right off the rail sending her falling on her right side. She hits the rail with her shoulder and hears a sudden snap inside her head. Her whole-body slips from the rail to the ground. She can hear that people are preparing to follow behind her, so she needs to move quick. 

She knows something just happened, she's not sure what, but something happened. She rolls onto her back, trying to use both arms to sit up, she is shocked by a stabbing pain and no strength in her right arm. She feels a need to faint and throw up, but she fights it and scoots herself out of people's way and view. She feels safe alone now, and allows herself to lay down, she's spinning, and suddenly she blacks out. 

She wakes up, a few moments later, she wasn't out long enough for anyone to worry. She didn't want to attract any attention. She realizes now there is something wrong with the top of her chest on the right side. She has lost all ability to move her right arm. She tests trying to sit up once more fighting the urge to faint again but signals coming from her neck and shoulders send her spinning. She needs to get out of where she was, and fast.

She sits up and takes off her scarf wrapped around her neck. She throws it over her shoulder and ties it around her arm into a sling. She needs to get to the bottom of this lift; she was too far from the top to walk back up and get help. She wasn't familiar enough to get the best path to the bottom, so she holds her arm close to her as she follows the chair lift down. Some parts send her through the trees and others up and down moguls. Keeping her breathing steady and her focus on not falling, her only thought was, to get help. 

She finally reaches the bottom of the lift. Her hopes sink further knowing she's all alone in a place farther away from home than ever before. Painfully unclipping her straps and kicking her snowboard to the side, she stumbles as calmly as she can to the lift operator escorting people to their chairs. 

She tries to speak but the words trying to escape her mouth only bring a more real sensation to the pain already coursing through her body. Her hand shivering now as she reaches out to this stranger who can pick up on the fear her body represented. 

"help" 

She manages to whisper, as the word left her body, so did the little strength she had left, she collapses to the ground, greeted by the soft landing of snow. The young man scrambles to her side, concerned, looking at her, trying to pick her up.

"A medic, I need a medic, please"

She moves away from his assistance as she knows she can't handle any more pain. His touch would only heighten what she had already endured the entire way down. The bumps and the turns twisted and contorted her in ways she wished she'd never felt. The fear and reality began to settle in and haunt her as she heard the man speak over the radio. 

"We need a medic, it's an emergency, we have a woman injured, it looks like she hurt her shoulder or collarbone, but we can't tell."

She laid on the floor of the little lift room where the men would sit and monitor the operations. She laid there as they continued on with the job and occasionally checking in on her. She would crack jokes and try to laugh knowing in the back of her mind she was fighting off utter fear and doom.  

Finally, a man appeared. He had the kindest eyes and the sweetest demeaner. This was definitely the man for the job. He knelt down by her side and asked her how she'd like to be lifted up. Together they found the softest way to lift her from the ground to the sky. 

They both slowly walked to the lift. He looked at her as she sat down. 

"You ok?" 

"Never better." 

Her attempt at sarcasm lightened the mood and the medic felt relaxed and attentive with her. He looked at her injured state as they road up the lift and told her there is a chance it's a broken collarbone. She continued to hold back her tears out of respect and asked him if these things are easy breaks or just dislocations. He mentioned that they could easily be either. He knows of breaks and also dislocations but it's hard to be sure without an X-ray. 

Her stomach sank deeper into her stomach knowing she didn't have medical insurance in that state and couldn't just walk into a hospital without leaving with crippling dept. She needed to make it back home, and soon, her road trip was over, and she needed to be in a place where she could be covered. The medical insurance she did have didn't jump states. She needed to make it back to her home. 

They both made it back to the medical room where two other medics join him in examining her. She explains to these men she can't just go to any hospital. She's been traveling out of her car around the states for the past three weeks and is pretty far from home. The men unfortunately tell her the hard truth. Although she tried to convince them otherwise, as it was her only driving force, she probably broke her collarbone, but she wouldn't believe that until much later. 

She held onto the hope that the pain she was going through would be an easy fix. She held onto that hope so tightly that as many times as the medics told her she shouldn't drive her manual car out of the state, that she should seek medical attention immediately, she couldn't listen, the system we live in, seeking help in a place far away from her medical insurance would cripple her financially, she had to make it to a place she could safely seek help under a safer financial assistance. Good old America. 

She got herself plenty of herb to subside the pain and began her drive. She was exactly 10 hours away from somewhere she would consider safety, and that to her, after how much she had already driven, was a walk in the park. 

As she drove, she had to stop twice. The first stop was into a tobacco shop where she met a sweet woman who had lived in this small town her whole life and eventually opened a little baby big lot, she'd think of it. It had a little bit of everything. As she sat outside this little shop and looked at her herbs and tobacco, and realized, she couldn't roll a spliff. She couldn't lift her arm up even to slightly touch her left hand. The horror had never been more real, but the determination grew even stronger. She would roller her spliff and get back in her car and finish the drive, even if she had to die trying. This is what happens when you don't have good statewide insurance in America and never forget it. You either make it back home or find yourself downing is medical bills in a place you've never lived in. 

The second stop was for gas, and she prayed it would be the only tank she would have to fill until she made it to safety. As she parked her car right up to the pump, she walked into the gas station as she was welcomed by two sweet kids working behind the counter. They could tell she had been crying and the young woman asked,

"Can we help you find anything?"

She looked up holding back all the tears in the world. 

"I know this sounds crazy, but could either of you please help me put gas in my car" 

The two couldn't have jumped to help her faster. As the young man practically jumped over the counter and followed her to her car, he was so surprised by her condition asking a million questions in one. Soothed by this man's sweet enthusiasm, she explained where she had gone and where she was going, she told him what had happened and what she needed to do now. After a good chat and a filled tank, she offered the young man a tip, but he was so enamored by her that he refused and said it was already an honor to be of assistance. 

It was flattering and unsettling at the same time as she thanked him and got back into her car. She had felt that those two admired her courage and she felt inspired by their enthusiasm that she would make it, and if not for her, then for them, she would make it, because even they couldn't believe it and hoped she would make it. She let that kindness stick to her like resin. 

This trip took such a turn for her, it went from exciting exploration to seeking refuge and help. It had never felt more humbling than to experience such a rollercoaster. She really felt like she was living, but she knew the true trial was yet to come. 

Driving a six-speed manual car with her left hand and leaving her right arm as motionless as possible was finding to be quite difficult and painful. Every sudden turn and cut off was a life-or-death experience. Her mind was in high alert. She knew she couldn't get tired, she couldn't lose focus, because if she did, then that would be it, it would be over. 

But it didn't end, and she did make it, exhausted, at 2:00 AM to a place she could call a refuge. She did make it, and she did get to see a doctor the next day, and she didn't crash in the middle of the night, she missed that deer, and she was able to take all the turns to safety. 

Yes, it was a broken collarbone, she did end her road trip early. But she didn't die. And the adventure was far from over. It had only just begun. 

Thank you for reading.