Its been a while

jacqueline | April 26, 2025, 5:30 a.m. The Ramble

Well damn, will you look at that...

Or this...

Here we go, I haven't let myself write in a while. I have a book review coming up on Ken Follett. I read Pillars of the Earth many years ago, and my amazing mother gifted me the prequel and the books that follow it. I'm on the last few chapters in The Evening and the Morning...and oh my goodness...I almost wrote the review last night I couldn't sleep over all the things I wanted to say and rave about...but I have to wait. Just a few more chapters and I'll be there. Almost. 

But if there was ever an author...well of course Steven King is one of the Kings in this author world, but Ken Follett is amazing. He is an educated well-informed man, that decided to write a book. Many books. When you read something from the words that come from a man of philosophy...he knows how to write and teach you through his characters. I can't put the book down.... okay wait, this wasn't what this blog post was about...I'm welcoming myself back to my favorite hobby...writing my thoughts. 

...I have many. First off...heartbreak, gosh, love it, so grateful for it. This is the time I get to grow, evolve, be better, the upgrade. 

But damn, just like any fall I've ever had that made my legs stronger, or my courage braver, this one is making me love what I have more than ever, I see all the blessings I never noticed before just hitting me in the damn soul. Not Damned...but my spirit is living this one out...I think braver and more confident than ever before. Like, thank God. Really. God did this, he led me right into the fire, looked back, said, 'You're going to get burnt pretty bad, but you'll be better for it." yeah...I know...Thanks. I think...lol 

... I have no idea if anyone even reads this or is waiting for my return of babble and banter...but I think I waited for myself to return...to myself. Like bitch...get back to your hobbies...We didn't come to earth to lay down and grieve...one day I'll die, and the last thing I want is for anyone who ever loved me...to just lay there...

So... I pulled my mopey ass up...and dragged myself to the sunlight and the food, and the people...turns out...everything is fine and will be even better than before. Thank you, God... because, sometimes I never look back at what I write because writing like this is raw, it's my spirit speaking, parts of my soul. I can't just try to edit it, so someone thinks, "Wow, what a well-edited piece of literature" Because no, that's not what free writing is. It's free...Speaking from the heart, raw truth...

To the reader, I'm thinking about you. What you feel and go through every day. You wake up, face yourself in the mirror, and are flooded with thoughts of the day ahead or lack of the day ahead. 

It's all daunting. Or perhaps, not. Maybe you're one of those people who just exist and feel no burden about your existence. Beautiful. Well, to think of it, I don't feel too burned to exist. 

I feel the burden of others, often. People seem pretty sad. I wish I could help. I get sad, I miss the people who leave my life, but I'm faced with myself and...I don't think I'm all that bad, not from a selfish arrogant way...I hope not at least, but I think at some point I had to face myself and accept that I would live with myself the rest of my life. 

I would look at this woman day in and day out. After everyone said their goodbyes and farewells. I was left with her. The woman that looks at me every day in the mirror. She craves love and attention. I am going to give her that, and I only hope you treat yourself with the same compassion. It is you, yourself, and that friend that I hope checks in sometimes. But even without them, it's just you. That person in the mirror is hoping someone shows up to save them, direct them, and guide them. That someone is you. You're the only one coming to save you. No one else is showing up. 

I'm proud of you, and myself, for showing up, even when you didn't think you could. I'm proud of you, for not giving up when giving up felt like the only option. Don't. You are counting on yourself to get through this. So, I'll see you at the other end of this tunnel we both stumbled upon. I'll see you after this is all over, and if it's possible, I'm buying you a drink. 

So, stay tuned, I can't wait to get to the ending, of this book, where I've fallen in love with all the characters. I can't wait to tell you all about it. So, until then my friend. <3 

As always, 

Thank you for reading. <3