Emotions take the director's chair

jacqueline | March 22, 2022, 10:53 p.m. The Ramble

Life just sideswiped you.  

Imagine for a moment.

That your life car just got crashed into and is currently rolling down the hill on fire, here on the side of the highway of life. 

Your face is oozing intergalactic soul juice. Because that's what would happen if you crashed on the highway of life, yes. 

It's hard to look in any one direction and the birds flying around your head are in close enough proximity to make you feel like you're about to puke up your entire existence. 

Thats a literal description of the shock it feels like when you've been hit by an actual bus-truck on the highway of life.

Oh, you're alive.

But... Your heart feels like a ticking time bomb of emotions. It's hard to find direction in times like these. The building blocks of your sanity, the very floor your standing, or possibly about to puke on, is actually spinning and breaking a part in uncontrollable directions.

Making sense of anything right now feels impossible. You're in such a shock you can't move, but you're along for the ride, and strapped very tightly in. 

Your reality begins to collapse.

Ouf... 

At this point you surrender into this traumatic event. You completely go limp and let the floor collapse beneath you. You allow for your conscious to go spinning off into the atmosphere of the space in your mind. You watch yourself become undone dimensionally. As if completely deleted from existence. You're invited into a black void where you exist in... Suddenly alone with your thoughts and a looming presence. 

There you begin to rebuild your reality. 

They say when you've lost it all, then you have nothing left to lose. 

....................................................................................................................................................................................................

I'm writing about this because I've noticed how just feeling this way alone has affected my writing and the direction the story suddenly wants to go. 

I'm trying to decide if I should incorporate this feeling in a fictional sense. My only concern is that I will get lost in this and lose my initial story. I've been reading about different writing styles and there are of course so many, but my favorite is by the seat of your pants...or by the pants on your seat? Don't fact check me. It's something like that. 

The point is, you write freely and let the story just take form. You have to do a lot of proofreading, connecting the dots, and editing afterwards, but it seems like the more organic way to go. I do find writing this way fun. But I have a hard time holding back my feelings. 

Anyway, the more I write, the more I will write. Right? (Throws up bad dad joke.) 

Thank you for reading. 

PS: Hope this email finds you well.