Digesting Experiences

jacqueline | July 30, 2023, 9:04 p.m. Practicing Writing

The dust has finally settled after all the moving around I just did. Sitting down in my new room in a new home in a new town just feels right. It was a lot of work to get where I landed, but I'm glad I continued to pursue the end goal. When this point was a distant thought, there were feelings of doubt. Driving across the country again but with a new car, seeing family, being with my mother during a very precious and cautious time for her, as well as continuing my education. Would I make it back? Would I complete the mission? Would everything go well? 

Well, surprise, surprise, past me, I passed Go, and it was awesome. 

I finally have time to digest and process everything that has happened in close to three months. There was a moment I woke up in my bed after it was all said and done, it felt like it was all a dream. 

I sat up and went through my backpack. I pulled out all of my books, my notes from class, and I looked through pictures of my new niece and of my family and friends. It just felt for a moment like someone else had done all that and I was just the admirer of all the left behind memories. But it was indeed me that did all of that. I almost can't believe it yet smiles of new friends keep coming to mind. Shared moments with amazing people flash when I pass something resembling a place or thing. I was there, out there somewhere. 

It's crazy how the present has a way of pulling you so in that you almost forget there was ever a past.

I'm fascinated by everything I learned and experienced in such a short time. So right now, I'm still processing and that's ok. I think I need time to readjust to the same place I lived in but with a different mentality. I think all of that helped me settle into my skin better. I'm ok being who I am and sharing this all with everyone in my life. I feel more at ease with what I want to do to give back to society, but I've also discovered boundaries to provide the space I need to help myself so I CAN help others. 

I had the opportunity to learn alongside fellow teachers and I shed a few layers with their help. I hold all of these people who went quickly from strangers to friends very close and will not forget what they helped me learn.

Now I'm focusing on the implementation of it all. 

Starting my teaching practice once again after a few years where I stepped back is exciting and gets me a little anxious. I had to re-evaluate what my intentions were and where I was giving too much of myself. I don't want to burn out this time. I'm also so excited to hopefully help people feel a sense of transformation for themselves. It's a beautiful thing to experience for myself and to also be able to give back. I was able to ask so many questions that I've carried through many years alone on my journey. It felt so good to finally unload a bunch of unnecessary understandings and gain such graceful knowledge. It warms my heart just to think of it all. I think I've even discovered new ideas and approaches to my one-day book. Learning in general just helps revitalize the mind and offer new perspectives and opportunities. 

I've thought about starting a book club in the valley out here in Colorado. I think sharing my passion for study would be a good way to give back to the community. It would help people who are feeling stuck in any way find a sense of peace or motivation for sure. That's on the list but I need to get my class plans set up first. I won't be able to focus on anything else until that's finished. 

Oh, and in case you read this. I just want to say thank you for being a little piece of heaven in a moment that could have felt like hell. Right before the storm hit and I locked my keys in my running car at a campsite somewhere in Ohio, you and your family took me in and sheltered me while we listened to the crashing of lightning and thunder. 

We got to know each other in minutes and quickly became comfortable friends. You provided a space where we could all be our authentic selves. I still feel a lasting love for the three wonderful people that were my temporary neighbors in the woods.  That sense of security and safety you gave me in a time that could have been really scary, I won't forget, and I'll do my best to pay it forward. After all that time I had spent in the car driving by myself, I was so grateful to have run into people who made me feel like I wasn't too far away from home. 

My heart is so full knowing how much good is out there. So much more than the media allows you to believe. I was a woman, by herself, traveling across the states. It wasn't just once but many times I was greeted by kind and caring people. I hope we can stop demonizing society. I hope one day we realize how much we benefit by accepting that maybe, deep down, most of us are good people who want to be around good people.  

So, thank you so much to everyone who reminded me that this world is a good place. We just lose our way a little sometimes and that's ok. Once we learn how to step back and re-evaluate, we'll be able to set ourselves back on the right track.

As always, 

Love you. 

Thank you for being a part of the journey <3